Some People Really Did Themselves In
History records plenty of tragic deaths, but a smaller, stranger category deserves its own list: the ones that came from a bad decision, terrible timing, or an idea that sounded better in the moment than it turned out to be in practice. Kings, philosophers, wrestlers, and ordinary showmen all managed to end their own stories in ways nobody could have scripted on purpose. Some of these come from ancient legend, softened by centuries of retelling, while others are documented right down to the newspaper headlines and photographs from the day. Here's 20 deaths that prove even famous, capable people can go out in the dumbest way imaginable.
Joseph-Benoît Suvée / After Jean-Jacques Bachelier on Wikimedia
1. Aeschylus and the Falling Tortoise
According to ancient sources, the Greek playwright Aeschylus died around 456 BCE after an eagle dropped a tortoise on his head, apparently mistaking his bald scalp for a rock it could crack the shell against. The story may have grown in the telling over the centuries, but it stuck hard enough that busts of Aeschylus are still labeled with the tale today. Few writers get remembered for their exit line quite this literally.
2. Empedocles Jumps Into a Volcano
The philosopher Empedocles reportedly leapt into the crater of Mount Etna around 430 BCE, hoping to convince his followers he had ascended to godhood by vanishing without a trace. According to legend, the volcano gave him away by spitting one of his sandals back out. It's one of the earliest recorded cases of someone dying to protect their own brand.
3. Milo of Croton Gets Stuck in a Tree
Milo, a six-time Olympic wrestling champion, came across a partly split tree trunk late in life and decided to finish the job with his bare hands. The wood snapped shut around his fingers before he could pull free, trapping him in the forest until a pack of wolves found him. The scene later became a favorite subject for painters and sculptors, including a marble statue by Pierre Puget that still stands in the Louvre.
4. Attila the Hun's Wedding Night
Attila, the fearsome ruler who terrorized the late Roman Empire, died in 453 CE on the night of his wedding to a woman named Ildico. Ancient sources describe a severe nosebleed that he choked on in his sleep, likely worsened by heavy drinking at the celebration. One of history's most feared conquerors was undone by his own nose.
5. Sigurd the Mighty's Trophy Bite
According to the Orkneyinga Saga, the Viking earl Sigurd Eysteinsson defeated a Pictish rival named Máel Brigte in battle around 892 CE and strapped the man's severed head to his saddle as a trophy. As he rode, one of the dead man's protruding teeth scraped his leg, and the wound turned septic. He survived the fight only to be killed by the man he'd already beaten.
Unknown authorUnknown author on Wikimedia
6. King Henry I and the Lampreys
King Henry I of England reportedly died in 1135 after ignoring his doctor's advice and eating a large meal of lampreys, an eel-like fish he loved despite it disagreeing with him. The resulting illness proved fatal within days. A king who had survived decades of court intrigue was finished off by dinner.
Unknown authorUnknown author on Wikimedia
7. Charles VIII Hits His Head on a Doorway
King Charles VIII of France died in 1498 after striking his head on the lintel of a low doorway while walking to watch a game of jeu de paume, an early form of tennis, at the Château d'Amboise. He collapsed hours later and never recovered. The doorway was, by most accounts, one he'd walked through many times before.
After Jean Perréal on Wikimedia
8. Francis Bacon Freezes a Chicken
The philosopher and scientist Francis Bacon reportedly caught a fatal chill in 1626 while testing whether packing a chicken with snow would slow its decay, an early and genuinely useful experiment in food preservation. He came down with pneumonia shortly after and died within weeks. His curiosity about refrigeration outlived him by centuries.
in The Story of Philosophy by Will Durant. Artist unknown. on Wikimedia
9. Adolf Frederick Eats Himself to Death
King Adolf Frederick of Sweden died in 1771 after a meal that reportedly included lobster, caviar, sauerkraut, and smoked herring, capped off with fourteen servings of a semla pastry served in hot milk. He's remembered in Swedish history as the king who ate himself to death. It remains one of the more indulgent last meals on record.
10. William III and the Molehill
King William III of England died in 1702 from complications after his horse stumbled on a molehill in Hampton Court's grounds, throwing him and breaking his collarbone. Pneumonia set in during his recovery and killed him weeks later. Jacobite opponents reportedly toasted "the little gentleman in black velvet" for years afterward, referring to the mole.
Unknown authorUnknown author on Wikimedia
11. George II and an Untimely Trip to the Bathroom
King George II of Great Britain died in 1760 from an aortic dissection, likely brought on while straining on the toilet early one morning. He collapsed shortly after and was found by his servants. It's a remarkably undignified end for a monarch who ruled for over three decades.
Studio of Charles Jervas on Wikimedia
12. Franz Reichelt's Leap From the Eiffel Tower
Franz Reichelt, a tailor who had built a wearable parachute suit, convinced officials to let him test it by jumping from the first platform of the Eiffel Tower in 1912. He'd told authorities he planned to use a dummy, then jumped himself when the moment came. Newsreel footage of the jump still exists, and it shows the suit failing to open at all.
13. Isadora Duncan's Scarf
The dancer Isadora Duncan died in 1927 when the long silk scarf she was wearing caught in the wheel of the open-top car she was riding in, breaking her neck instantly. She'd reportedly told friends moments earlier that she was headed off to glory. Photos of her wearing similarly dramatic scarves survive from throughout her career.
Genthe, Arnold, 1869-1942, photographer on Wikimedia
14. Jack Daniel Kicks His Own Safe
Jack Daniel, founder of the whiskey company that still bears his name, injured his toe in 1906 after kicking his office safe in frustration when he couldn't remember the combination. The injury developed into an infection that never fully healed, and he died from complications years later. The lesson about safes and bare feet apparently wasn't widely learned.
Unknown authorUnknown author on Wikimedia
15. Sherwood Anderson's Toothpick
The American author Sherwood Anderson died in 1941 after swallowing part of a toothpick at a party, which punctured his intestine and led to fatal peritonitis. He'd reportedly enjoyed an olive at a cocktail gathering just before boarding a ship for South America. A minor party snack ended a major literary career.
16. Clement Vallandigham Proves His Own Case
Ohio lawyer and former congressman Clement Vallandigham was defending a client accused of murder in 1871, arguing the victim had accidentally shot himself while drawing his own pistol. Demonstrating the motion for his legal team, he grabbed a loaded gun by mistake and shot himself in the same way. His client was acquitted, since Vallandigham had just proven, fatally, that the theory worked.
Unknown authorUnknown author on Wikimedia
17. Bobby Leach and the Orange Peel
Bobby Leach survived going over Niagara Falls in a steel barrel in 1911, walking away with only a broken jaw and two shattered kneecaps. Fifteen years later, in 1926, he slipped on an orange peel while walking down a street in New Zealand, and the resulting leg injury turned gangrenous and killed him. The falls couldn't finish him, but the sidewalk could.
Robert Leach - Library and Archives Canada. Copyright: Expired. on Wikimedia
18. Allan Pinkerton Bites His Tongue
Detective Allan Pinkerton, founder of the agency that still bears his name, slipped on a Chicago sidewalk in 1884 and bit through his own tongue in the fall. The wound became infected with gangrene, and he died from the complications shortly after. A man who'd spent his career hunting outlaws was undone by a crack in the pavement.
Brady's National photographic Galleries on Wikimedia
19. King Alexander of Greece and the Monkey
King Alexander of Greece was bitten repeatedly in 1920 while trying to break up a fight between his dog and a palace monkey. The wounds turned septic within weeks, and he died at age 27, triggering a succession crisis that reshaped Greek politics. Winston Churchill later remarked that a quarter of a million people arguably died as a result of that one monkey's bite.
Charles Chusseau-Flaviens on Wikimedia
20. Chrysippus Laughs Himself to Death
The Stoic philosopher Chrysippus reportedly died around 206 BCE after watching a donkey eat figs and joking that someone should give the animal wine to wash them down. According to Diogenes Laërtius, Chrysippus found his own joke so funny that he laughed until he died. A seated statue of him, now held in the Louvre, still survives as one of the better-known portraits of an ancient philosopher.
KEEP ON READING
