Getting Out Wasn't Always Easy
Leaving a husband could cost a woman almost everything. Throughout much of history, walking away from a terrible situation meant a woman forfeiting her money, children, reputation, or even her physical safety. Despite the risks, some women risked everything to get out, and we’re here to explore just 20 of them.
Paul Nadar (1856-1939) on Wikimedia
1. Mary Eleanor Bowes
Mary Eleanor Bowes, one of Britain's richest heiresses, married Andrew Robinson Stoney in 1777. Things soon degenerated into severe physical and psychological abuse; Stoney seized control of her fortune, isolated her, and used force to keep her compliant before she finally escaped in 1785. She pursued a lengthy legal battle that actually ended their marriage, which was a massive deal given that 18th-century law favored husbands.
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2. Caroline Norton
Writer Caroline Norton endured years of violence from her husband, George Norton, including an altercation in 1835 while she was pregnant. Unfortunately, their separation only came in 1836 when George barred her from their home and kept their three sons from her. She couldn't obtain a divorce, but her experience did, in fact, fuel campaigns that reformed British child-custody, divorce, and married women's property laws.
3. Flora Tristan
French-Peruvian activist Flora Tristan married André Chazal in 1821, but she eventually fled the violent relationship with their children. However, divorce was abolished in France, and he continued following her and contesting control of the children for years. In 1838, he shot Tristan in Paris, but she survived and became one of Europe's notable women's-rights writers.
4. Elizabeth Packard
Elizabeth Packard disagreed with her minister husband, Theophilus, about religion, and in 1860 his response was to have her committed. She spent three years confined in the Illinois State Hospital for the Insane before eventually winning a jury trial. To put Theophilus’s egregious claims into perspective, the jurors reportedly needed only minutes to find that she wasn't insane.
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5. Victoria Woodhull
Victoria Woodhull was only 15 when she married Canning Woodhull in 1853, partly as an escape from her brutal childhood home. The tides didn’t turn, though, and she soon discovered that Canning drank heavily, womanized, and sometimes turned his rage on her. She divorced him in 1864 and later became an outspoken supporter of women's right to leave bad marriages.
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6. Fanny Kemble
British actress Fanny Kemble married Pierce Butler in 1834, quickly discovering that his fortune depended on plantations worked by hundreds of enslaved people. She fiercely opposed slavery and oftentimes clashed with Butler over his treatment of enslaved workers, finally leaving him in 1845. Their divorce was completed in 1849, but Butler retained custody of their two daughters.
7. Colette
French author Colette's first husband, Henry Gauthier-Villars, was better known as Willy—a man who took credit for the enormously successful novels she wrote. He not only took all the spoils, but he also confined her in a room for stretches so she would produce more material, all while the books were published under his name. Colette eventually left him, divorced him in 1910, and built a celebrated career under her own name.
8. Annie Besant
Annie Besant married Anglican clergyman Frank Besant in 1867, but they constantly butted heads. Her unconventional religious and political beliefs created plenty of fundamental differences, and she left in 1873, supporting herself through writing and public speaking. That said, things took a turn when Frank later obtained custody of their children because Annie publicly advocated birth control.
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9. Hedy Lamarr
Before Hollywood knew her as Hedy Lamarr, Hedwig Kiesler married arms manufacturer Fritz Mandl in 1933 at just 18. Lamarr later described Mandl as controlling and even said that he attempted to restrict her acting career. Her autobiography claims she finally escaped in disguise before making her way to Paris and securing a divorce, though some details have since been disputed.
10. Rita Hayworth
Rita Hayworth was barely 18 when she married Edward Judson in 1937, a guy more than twice her age. Hayworth later alleged that he took control of much of her property and threatened her while pressuring her financially. She filed for divorce in 1942 on grounds of cruelty, reportedly emerging from the relationship with very little money of her own.
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11. Gloria Swanson
Silent-film star Gloria Swanson was only 17 when she married fellow actor Wallace Beery in 1916. As if her young age wasn’t a big enough red flag, she also accused Beery of assaulting her on their wedding night and later giving her medication that caused her to miscarry; both accounts were detailed in her autobiography. She filed for divorce soon afterward, and the marriage was legally over by 1918.
12. Tina Turner
After years of what Tina Turner described as physical and emotional abuse from Ike Turner, she reached her breaking point during a 1976 trip to Dallas. Following a violent fight, she waited until Ike was asleep, left their hotel, and crossed a freeway to another hotel with almost no money. Their divorce was finalized in 1978, and she surrendered most of their shared assets in exchange for keeping the professional name Tina Turner.
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13. Mary Baker Eddy
Mary Baker Eddy's second marriage was to dentist Daniel Patterson in 1853, a union that became marked by financial instability and infidelity. He ultimately deserted her in 1866, leaving Eddy nearly penniless and moving among rented rooms while she tried to pick up the pieces of her life. She got a divorce in 1873.
14. Qiu Jin
Chinese revolutionary Qiu Jin entered an arranged marriage to Wang Tingjun in the 1890s and became deeply unhappy with the conventional role expected of her. In 1903, she left her husband and children and traveled to Japan, where she immersed herself in revolutionary politics. Qiu eventually returned to China as a radical advocate for women's emancipation before her execution in 1907.
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15. Margaret Tudor
Henry VIII's older sister Margaret Tudor married Scottish nobleman Archibald Douglas, Earl of Angus, in 1514, though the relationship soon became disastrous. While she was away, Angus openly lived with another woman and took control of property and income belonging to his wife. Margaret spent years plotting an escape and finally got an annulment in 1527, allowing her to marry Henry Stewart.
16. Margaret of Valois
Margaret of Valois's 1572 marriage to Henry of Navarre began amid the religious tensions surrounding the infamous St. Bartholomew's Day Massacre. It’s fair to say that their relationship was already plagued by political hostility and affairs on both sides, and years in which Margaret was effectively exiled from court. After decades of limbo, she agreed to an annulment that Pope Clement VIII approved in 1599.
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17. Sarah Bernhardt
Sarah Bernhardt married Jacques Damala in 1882 despite his already notorious reputation for affairs. As expected, the marriage deteriorated, especially once Damala's infidelity, debts, and drug use got harder for Bernhardt to ignore. Although Catholic beliefs kept her from formally divorcing him, she did separate from him. She also largely supported him from a distance until he died in 1889.
18. Josephine Baker
Long before becoming an entertainer, Josephine Baker married steelworker Willie Wells when she was only 13 years old. Accounts describe the brief relationship as volatile, with one physical confrontation ending after Baker fought back against one of his attacks. The marriage collapsed in under a year, and Baker soon joined traveling performers who helped launch the career that eventually took her to Paris.
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19. Martha Gellhorn
War correspondent Martha Gellhorn married Ernest Hemingway in 1940, but she had no intention of abandoning her own career to satisfy him. Their competitive relationship only got worse as Gellhorn continued to cover World War II, especially after making her way to the Normandy invasion despite Hemingway trying to do so. In 1945, she became the only one of his four wives to initiate a divorce on her own.
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20. Mary Jane Cochran
After being widowed, Mary Jane Cochran, the mother of future journalist Nellie Bly, married John Jackson Ford, but the relationship was plagued by his heavy drinking and violence. In 1879, she sought divorce, and her teenage daughter Elizabeth testified in court about Ford's behavior. Mary Jane successfully ended the marriage despite the financial hardship that followed.
