20 Bizarre Courtship Rituals From History That Prove Romance Used To Be Terrifying
20 Bizarre Courtship Rituals From History That Prove Romance Used To Be Terrifying
Still Better Than Modern Dating
Dating today might involve awkward texts, terrible first dates, and trying to decide whether someone's "hey" deserves a response, but were past dating rituals worse? Across different cultures and historical periods, people developed elaborate ways to attract partners, prove affection, demonstrate family suitability, or simply signal that they were interested. Some customs were charming, some were surprisingly practical, and others sound completely baffling today.
1. The Victorian Hair Keepsake
Victorians exchanged locks of hair among loved ones. Hair featured in jewelry designs, painted portraits, and decorative keepsakes commemorating the relationship. It might sound creepy to us, but these objects held something from a loved one’s body.
The Metropolitan Museum of Art on Unsplash
2. The Scottish Gretna Green Elopements
Gretna Green was a town in Scotland with historically lax marriage laws. Couples who traveled there were often able to wed quickly, with simple documentation. Scottish blacksmiths became popular for performing ceremonies and gained the nickname “anvil priests.”
3. The Welsh Love Spoons
Decorative love spoons were intricately carved by hopeful Welsh suitors. Designs included symbols such as hearts, keys, bells, wheels, and more. The gestures conveyed certain wishes for the relationship, from wealth to affection.
José-Manuel Benito on Wikimedia
4. The Highland Handfasting Tradition
A handfasting joined or bound a couple’s hands together. Definitions of the term have varied across cultures and throughout history. The practice became associated with love, marriage, and commitment in Scottish tradition, and some modern pagans recognize handfastings as holy marriages.
5. The Victorian Mourning Jewelry
Victorian mourning jewelry included hair or symbols of lost loved ones. Romantic feelings may have played a role in these keepsakes, but they show an attachment to physical reminders. Love wasn’t the only emotion people wanted to capture in jewelry, but it was one of many.
6. The Japanese Omiai Meetings
Omiai was a traditional Japanese courtship process used to identify prospective spouses. Interested families or matchmakers could collect information about single adults before introducing them to each other. You didn’t have to browse dozens of profiles wondering who to choose.
Art Institute of Chicago on Unsplash
7. The Courtship Letter
Without texting or instant messaging, previous generations wrote letters to communicate with people far away. Long-distance relationships required plenty of written words, which often got kept and reread for years. Imagine having to woo someone without being able to correct a bad sentence for days.
8. The Chaperoned Visit
Parents often prevented unmarried couples from going on intimate dates. Rather, a relative or close family friend would join the couple for something called a “visiting.” The person in the room with you definitely added pressure if you were trying to flirt with someone.
National Library of Russia on Unsplash
9. The Bundling Tradition
Bundling is a historical courtship practice associated particularly with parts of colonial New England and Wales, although accounts vary considerably by time and place. It involved unmarried couples sharing a bed under prescribed conditions, sometimes with a physical barrier or other restrictions intended to prevent physical contact. The arrangement was meant to allow young people to become familiar with one another while still maintaining social boundaries.
Art Institute of Chicago on Unsplash
10. The Love Test With Apples
Gifted apples weren’t exactly a declaration of love in previous centuries. Like many courtship traditions in Europe, fruit bore meanings in matchmaking rituals. Couples could test one another to see if a romantic relationship might be in their future.
11. The Courtship Fan
Fans appeared as social signaling devices in parts of Europe centuries ago. They became especially popular in conversations about romantic intentions in the 1700s and 1800s. The movies may have exaggerated when it came to assigning specific meanings to every flutter, but subtlety can be an asset when surrounded by strangers.
The Metropolitan Museum of Art on Unsplash
12. The Medieval Love Token
Medieval lovers sometimes exchanged small objects such as rings, brooches, or other personal gifts as signs of affection. These items could carry symbolic meanings that made them more significant than their size suggested. Since photographs and text messages weren't options, a physical token could serve as a lasting reminder of someone's affection.
13. The Maypole Courtship Celebrations
People in Europe celebrated May Day with festivals, maypoles, dancing, and flowers. These public events allowed young people to meet and socialize within the bounds of their community. Romance was less about getting your significant other away from everyone and more about everyone being around you.
14. The Dowry Negotiations
There were plenty of rational reasons families got invested in their single children dating. Marriage established connections between in-laws, determined who gained access to property, and more. When you couple those concerns with your desires, you had quite a lot on the line when discussing marriage.
15. The Servant Girl's Courtship Gifts
In some historical communities, young men demonstrated serious intentions through practical gifts rather than grand declarations. Food, household goods, or useful objects could show that a suitor was capable of contributing to a future household. Romance could therefore involve proving that you were dependable enough to help keep a family running.
The New York Public Library on Unsplash
16. The Pillow Courtship Customs
Few people had access to private spaces to speak freely when courting. There were reasons traditions developed to let lovers talk under sets of pillows or similar barriers. Physical contact was verboten, but conversation had to happen somehow.
17. The Courtship Dance
Before modern daters had so many options for meeting people, social dances mattered. Heading to a public dance allowed your parents to see you move, breathe, and otherwise ensure you weren’t a terrible human being. It was a weird shortcut to gauging compatibility, but effective.
18. The Calling Card
During the 19th century, calling cards were an important part of polite social life, particularly among the upper and middle classes. A visitor could leave a card at someone's home to announce a visit or express social interest without simply showing up at the door. Knowing the correct etiquette for presenting and receiving these tiny cards could be surprisingly complicated.
Boston Public Library on Unsplash
19. The Matchmaker's Introduction
Internet dating wasn’t the only way to find love through a mediator. Matchmakers take many forms, and persistent family members have been known to try their luck too. Someone had to compile your romantic profile before they could suggest you pursue someone great…or terrible.
Raindrops Photography on Unsplash
20. The Marriage Market
Wedding bureaus and hotel matchmakers existed long before Americans invented the contemporary concept. Social events served as formal and informal ways to meet acceptable romantic partners. Meeting in public allowed families to stress less about morality and more about who would take their daughter.
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