Still Petty, After All These Years

Ancient graffiti is one of the fastest ways we stop picturing the past as polished, solemn, and a little too well-behaved. Walk through Pompeii, Herculaneum, or a Roman military site on the far edge of the empire, and you'll notice just how alike we can feel to our ancestors. People were flirting in public, picking fights, complaining about bad service, bragging about athletes, and scribbling their names because, apparently, being noticed mattered just as much then. Once you get past the ash, plaster, and ruined walls, the voices feel close in a way that we can understand today. These 20 messages show just how modern ancient people could sound.

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1. Leaving Us Hanging

In Pompeii, a wall inscription from the theater district reads simply, “Erato loves,” and then stops. That unfinished line from the first century C.E. has a very familiar feeling to it, like somebody started a confession, got nervous, and walked away before the important part.

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2. A Last-Minute Plea

Another Pompeian graffito says, “I’m in a hurry. Take care, my Sava, make sure you love me.” It’s a little rushed, a little needy, and a feeling that many of us can still empathize with.

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3. Hard Launching A Crush

A woman named Methe wrote that she loved Chrestus, another name for Jesus. In her inscription, she prays that Venus would let them live in harmony. That’s sweet, a little exposed, and maybe more public than most people would want, which is probably why it still lands.

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4. The Pen Is Mightier Than The Sword

In Pompeii, Successus the weaver declared his love for Iris, only for another man, Severus, to answer back that Iris wanted nothing to do with him. Successus returned to the wall to defend himself and insult his rival. Even in ancient times, people were arguing on public walls.

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5. Publicly Crushing

One inscription manages to name two separate romances: Fortunatus loves Amplianda, and Ianuarius loves Veneria. The writers of these inscriptions then pray to Venus, saying, "We ask mistress Venus that you keep us in mind (and also) that which we now ask of you."

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6. Proclamations Of Love

One wall text says, “Sabinus, handsome boy, Hermeros loves you.” There's something refreshingly modern about a public declaration of love. Isn't love one of the reasons we're alive?

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7. Saying Goodbye

A short Pompeian graffito says only, “Actius, farewell.” No explanation, no setup, no soft landing, just a name and a goodbye left on a wall in a Roman town that no longer exists.

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8. More Farewells

At the Casa dei Quattro Stili, another brief inscription reads, “Quartilla, farewell.” It’s tiny, ordinary, and somehow that’s the part that stays with you. History usually keeps the speeches and loses the small stuff.

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9. Needing To Be Remembered

One graffito says, “Hyacinthus was here.” People have been leaving proof of their own existence on walls for a very long time, and apparently, that impulse survives almost everything. It's safe to say that whoever they were, they're definitely still remembered.

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10. Sick Of All The Chatter

A famous line from Pompeii says, in effect, “I’m amazed, wall, that you haven’t collapsed from supporting the tedious nonsense of so many writers.” Somebody in Campania got tired of bad posts and decided the only answer was adding one more. We're sure you can think of a few modern examples of this feeling.

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11. The Election Joke

A Pompeian endorsement for a candidate named Vatia says that “the petty thieves” want him elected aedile, a mid-level role in Roman government. Campaign sarcasm was alive and well in the first century. If you have any knowledge of ancient Roman politics, this isn't exactly surprising.

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12. Ancient Yelp Reviews

Another inscription complains that an innkeeper sells water and drinks the good wine himself. You can almost hear the annoyance in it, and yes, people were already leaving public service complaints in Roman taverns.

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13. The Bed-Wetting Apology

One Pompeian graffito admits, “We peed in the bed. I admit it, we did wrong, host. If you ask why, there was no chamber pot.” That is both an apology and an excuse, and neither part really helps. That said, when you gotta go, you gotta go.

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14. Bathroom Humor

At Herculaneum, somebody recorded that Apollinaris, a doctor attached to the emperor Titus, “pooped well here.” Toilet humor is one of the less glamorous threads linking the ancient world to the present, but arguably one of the most human.

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15. Stanning A Celebrity

A graffito celebrating the gladiator Celadus calls him “the girls’ heartthrob.” Sports fame, public thirst, and a little exaggeration were all doing business together long before modern celebrity culture.

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16. Just A Plain Old Complaint

One Herculaneum inscription says, “We are cold.” That’s it. No flourish, no philosophy, just a blunt little complaint from a person having a bad enough day to make their complaints permanent.

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17. An Introvert's Woes

A different Herculaneum graffito says, “We came here desiring, now we desire much more to leave.” It sounds like a bad dinner, a disappointing party, or one of those social calls that polite society doesn't allow you to leave early. We guess the Irish goodbye hadn't been invented yet.

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18. Government Interference

One wall text from Herculaneum says, “I stayed alone because of the Senate’s decree.” The full story is gone, which is frustrating, but the mood still comes through. Somebody had plans, the rules got in the way, and they were not taking it gracefully.

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19. Life Advice

Another Herculaneum inscription warns that anyone who doesn’t know how to protect himself doesn’t know how to live, and adds that small trouble grows if you ignore it. That sounds like the sort of hard-earned advice people still pass around when they’ve had enough and want to seem wise about it.

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20. Public Humiliation

In Rome, the Alexamenos graffito shows a man worshipping a familiar crucified figure with a donkey’s head, alongside the words “Alexamenos worships his god.” It is cruel, juvenile, and painfully recognizable as public ridicule, which might make it one of the oldest ugly jokes in living history.

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