20 Women From History Who Chose Other Women Over Traditional Marriages
Marriage Wasn't the End of the Story
For centuries, women were expected to marry men, raise families, and keep their romantic lives well within society's expectations. But just because it was expected doesn’t mean every woman followed the rules. Some had entirely different plans, leaving unhappy marriages, pursuing forbidden relationships, or falling in love with women despite having husbands at home. Come with us as we go through 20 extraordinary stories, each challenging conventional expectations about whom women were supposed to love.
1. Una Troubridge
British sculptor Una Troubridge married naval officer Ernest Troubridge in 1908, but they didn’t stay together for very long. Why? Well, because everything changed when she met writer Radclyffe Hall in 1915. Their relationship turned intimate, and Una eventually separated from her husband to live with Hall. The women remained partners until Hall's death in 1943, famously living together as joint heads of their household.
2. Colette
French novelist Colette already seemed to have had something of a bum deal married to writer Henry Gauthier-Villars—he published her early novels under his own name. Thankfully, she was able to separate from him in 1906, after which she lived much of the time with Mathilde de Morny, an aristocrat affectionately called Missy.
3. Ida May Robinson
In 1920, quite the scandal hit Chicago newspapers: Ida May Robinson had abandoned her husband, Sherman Robinson, for another woman. Though hardly news by today’s standards, the uproar stemmed from his divorce complaint, which said she had reunited with someone she previously knew in Kentucky, and the women were living together. It was all true, though we didn’t get as much information about Ida’s side of things.
4. Hilda Doolittle
American poet Hilda Doolittle, better known as H.D., married fellow writer Richard Aldington in 1913, but WWI placed enormous strain on their relationship. Just a few short years later, in 1918, she met British writer Bryher, who became her longtime romantic partner as her marriage to Aldington unraveled. Her divorce wasn't finalized until 1938, but H.D. built a new family life with Bryher and her daughter, Perdita.
5. Bryher
You can’t talk about one without the other! Bryher was also married before she started a new life, originally wed to publisher Robert McAlmon in 1921. It was out of convenience, though, and Bryher continued her romantic partnership with H.D. throughout it. Interestingly, after divorcing Robert in 1927, Bryher then tied the knot with Kenneth Macpherson, although Hilda remained an important part of her life.
6. Élisabeth De Gramont
French aristocrat Élisabeth de Gramont was already married to a duke when she fell in love with American writer Natalie Clifford Barney around 1909. Her husband obviously wasn't happy when he found out, but Élisabeth wasn't willing to give Natalie up. The couple eventually divorced in 1920, although Élisabeth and Natalie had already exchanged their own symbolic marriage promises two years earlier.
7. Ruth Benedict
Anthropologist Ruth Benedict married biochemist Stanley Benedict in 1914, and their relationship grew unhappier as the years went by. During the 1920s, Ruth began a romantic relationship with fellow anthropologist Margaret Mead, who was also married at the time. That didn’t stand in their way, though, and Ruth eventually separated from her husband in 1930.
World Telegram staff photographer on Wikimedia
8. Margaret Mead
Speaking of whom, Mead was at the center of her own marital roster. She married three men during her lifetime, starting with Luther Cressman in 1923. She, of course, developed a romantic relationship with Ruth, which began during her first marriage and continued through other relationships. When that fell apart, Margaret later became closely involved with another woman, Rhoda Métraux, and the two shared a home.
Edward Lynch, World-Telegram staff photographer on Wikimedia
9. Violet Trefusis
British socialite Violet Trefusis married Denys Trefusis in 1919, despite already being deeply involved with writer Vita Sackville-West. Their relationship soon trickled out into the public when the two ran away together to France, leaving their husbands desperate to bring them back. But Violet didn't permanently leave her marriage for Vita.
Unknown photographer on Wikimedia
10. Vita Sackville-West
Trefusis wasn’t the only one married when their relationship blew up. Sackville-West was also wed to Harold Nicolson, a man she ultimately went back to after she and Trefusis returned from France. Though that wasn’t the end of her story; she carried a significant relationship with Virginia Woolf, remaining married until her death.
11. Virginia Woolf
You might know her work, but you might not know much about Virginia Woolf’s personal life. In a nutshell, she married Leonard Woolf in 1912 before developing a relationship with Sackville-West in the 1920s. Virginia didn't abandon Leonard altogether, but her relationship with Vita became one of the most famous affairs within the Bloomsbury circle.
12. Mercedes De Acosta
Playwright Mercedes de Acosta married painter Abram Poole in 1920, but her work isn’t exactly what made her famous—it was her relationships with famous women. Among them was Hollywood actress Greta Garbo, with whom Mercedes developed a particularly memorable romance. She eventually divorced her husband in 1935 and later wrote about her personal life in a 1960 memoir.
Arnold Genthe (1869-1942) on Wikimedia
13. Romaine Brooks
American painter Romaine Brooks wed John Ellingham Brooks in 1903, and things were rocky from the jump. Their marriage only lasted about a year before she left him, after which she pursued relationships with women, including Ida Rubinstein and Natalie Clifford Barney.
14. Winnaretta Singer
Winnaretta Singer was an heiress, born to a family that made a fortune through sewing machines. It’s easy to assume men flocked to her door in droves, but she married Prince Edmond de Polignac in 1893—an unconventional union that allowed both to pursue separate lives. Polignac himself was gay, and they each had their own relationships outside the marriage. They even stayed together until he died in 1901.
15. Janet Flanner
Journalist Janet Flanner married artist William Rehm in 1918, but it wasn’t for love. A big part of it was that she mostly just wanted to escape her life in Indianapolis. Of course, things didn’t last, but she did eventually fall in love with a woman named Solita Solano. By the 1920s, the two women were living together in Paris.
Unknown authorUnknown author on Wikimedia
16. Alice Dunbar Nelson
Alice Dunbar Nelson had quite a few marriages under her belt, all to men: Paul Laurence Dunbar, Henry Arthur Callis, and Robert J. Nelson. The thing is, her diaries document romantic attachments to women as well. They make for a fascinating read, especially because they reveal a complicated love life that was much more unconventional than the public might’ve expected.
Unknown photographer on Wikimedia
17. Daphne Du Maurier
Novelist Daphne du Maurier seemingly had it all. She married military officer Frederick Browning in 1932 and became internationally famous for novels we still know and love today. Her private correspondence, however, reveals intense romantic feelings toward women, particularly Gertrude Lawrence (who she got close to in the ‘40s). Nevertheless, du Maurier stayed with Browning until he died in 1965.
18. Edna St. Vincent Millay
Bisexuality isn’t uncommon nowadays, but back in the 1900s? It was a big deal. Either way, that didn’t scare American poet Edna St. Vincent Millay from openly exploring attraction to both men and women. She married businessman Eugen Jan Boissevain in 1923, and they agreed to go their separate ways for personal freedom. Edna never left him, either, and their marriage continued until he died in 1949.
en:Carl Van Vechten (1880-1964) on Wikimedia
19. Bessie Smith
Blues singer Bessie Smith married security guard Jack Gee in 1923, but their union was constantly marred by arguments. It’s not a shock per se; accounts describe Smith's relationships with women during her career, as well as her husband's disapproval. Their marriage fell apart soon afterward.
20. Marlene Dietrich
If you’re going to talk about untraditional marriages, you’d have to acknowledge actress Marlene Dietrich’s union to Rudolf Sieber in 1923. Dietrich had relationships with both men and women during her career, which seemed to work just fine since she and Sieber had separate romantic lives. But despite living apart for decades, they never divorced, and their marriage legally continued until he died in 1976.
George Grantham Bain Collection (Library of Congress) on Wikimedia
