Once Upon A Time Lived Some Ancient Weirdos...

Greece is an incredible country built on rich history and godly legends. Although there's an endless list of fascinating facts, some are destined for the spotlight. From mythology to society, some things about ancient Greece will leave you in awe, while other facts will creep you out.  

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1. They Invented The YoYo

With all their powerful Gods, you’d think the ancient Greeks could claim a more riveting toy! However, as simple as it appears, it was quite the advanced invention of its time. The YoYo is believed to be one of the oldest constructed toys in the world dating back to 500 BC. You can see the first examples of the simple disc toy in museums such as the Museum of Athens. 

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2. The First Theater

Greeks are believed to be the first stage actors, performing for audiences for pure entertainment. Actors used masks that flipped from smiles to frowns to show their changing emotions. Some theaters held 15,000 people.  

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3. The Apologetic Wooden Horse

It’s a pretty nasty gift but we can appreciate how clever the giant wooden horse was. For revenge, the ancient Greeks fooled the city of Troy into believing they built them a horse as a present. A team of deadly warriors was inside the hollow horse ready to fight and siege the city.

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4. The First Olympics

Let the games begin (in 776 BC)! It’s incredible how the Olympics have evolved over time and are still a prominent competitive event. Since Ancient Greek cities were always at war, the Olympic games were the one exception when there was a truce, allowing traveling athletes to arrive at the competition safely.  

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5. Watered Down Wine

Some will argue that this is a sin but we can appreciate their efforts to minimize violence. It was a disgrace for mortals to get wasted and you’d be considered a barbarian if you did. Only God Dionysus was allowed to get wine-drunk and humans mixed water in their wine to slow down the intoxication process. To save water in the winter, clever Greeks tossed a snowball in their goblets.    

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6. Time Counting

What time is it Mr. (Greek) Wolf?–– Ancient Greeks often told the time with another method than our chronological time scale. Kairos was a measurement of time that was depicted by the opportune time for action. The right time to do something was just felt in a qualitative nature and a fundamental law of the universe.  

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7. Banish Bad Politicians 

Democracy wasn't perfect, but it was a big part of Greek culture and politics were taken very seriously. It was the power of the people and a disliked politician could be voted off the island–– well, the mainland. With a vote, a political leader could be banished from Athens for ten years to stop them from gaining any power.

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8. The Greek Oracles

It was believed that the Oracles could see the gods and goddesses. They had the gift of communicating with the higher powers and asking them for advice. In reality, the Oracles were super stoners, getting high off poisonous gases leaking from the floor of their temples, causing them vivid hallucinations.   

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9. Epic Legends

Greek mythology is renowned across the globe and some legends are too epic not to be intrigued. Many of their gods and mythical creatures have influenced incredible architecture and have inspired novels and movies alike. Take Fluffy for example–– this three-headed doggy guarding the Chamber of Secrets in Harry Potter is based off of Cerberus, guardian of the underworld.  

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10. The Parthenon

Arguably one of the most famous temples in the world is the Parthenon. This incredible ancient structure was built for the goddess Athena, protector of the city of Athens. Inside are many statues of other gods and goddesses prominent to Greek culture, rich in history and legends.   

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We can applaud the ancient Greeks for those fun facts but things are about to get a little weirder...

1. Greeks Hated Beans!

Sure, it was cool to eat boiled sow vulvas but they were disgusted by beans. The Greeks refused to eat beans because they were convinced that beans were the souls of the dead.

Apparently, they grew through the ground from the underworld and their flesh-like texture put them off.  

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2. The Ruthless Spartans

Saying the Spartans were rough and tough is an understatement. They were very ruthless and unforgiving warriors with some brutal rules they followed. They threw minor criminals in wells to slowly die and they left babies outside to test their strength to survive.–– Yikes.   

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3. “Toilet Paper”

Bathroom hygiene was a little bit different back in the day. There were no rolls of 3-ply cashmere–– ancient bums were cleaned up with smooth rocks instead. Some more sophisticated wiping was done with a sea sponge on a stick that was rinsed in a salty water bucket. However, if you were in a public loo, this sponge was shared. 

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4. Olympic Wrestling

Many competitions in the ancient Olympics ended with gruesome injury or death. Wrestling might not sound like the worst, but back then there weren’t many rules and wrestlers got vicious with their hands and teeth. The real kicker–– they were violently wrestling stark naked.   

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5. Tasting Diagnosis

Prepare for the doctor to lick your earwax if you are sick! Ancient Greek docs were taught to test the health of their patients by the taste of their bodily fluids. The doctor let his tongue decide the diagnosis since the taste of fluids like phlegm was supposed to taste the same for everyone.

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6. Beard Competition

Men took a lot of pride in their hairy chins but it caused a lot of drama. They were shamed if they couldn’t grow luscious beards. The men who could grow voluptuous facial hair took a lot of time grooming themselves, using oils and combs to dictate their masculinity and status.   

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7. Pregnancy Test Veggies

You’ll be happy to pee on a stick after you find out what the poor Greek women used as a pregnancy test. Onion wasn’t just for adding flavor to food–– a juicy onion was inserted into a woman and left inside her overnight. If she woke up in the morning with onion breath, she was not pregnant, obviously. 

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8. Ancient Patriarchy 

Unfortunately, it’s no surprise that women were treated poorly and lived vastly different lives from their male counterparts. They had no rights–– women couldn’t vote and were the property of their husbands who they had little say in choosing. It was normal for teenage girls to be married off to much older men and forced to stay at home.     

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9. Professional Mourners

It’s a bit disturbing that ancient Greeks often hired “moirologists” to make a sobbing scene at funerals. The louder and more intense the professional mourner sounded, the more the deceased was being honored.

They would wail and shriek, rip at their hair, and violently scratch their face to show their outrageous grief. 

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10. Live Fish Bandaid

If you had a boo-boo, a living, flopping fish would do the trick! It was believed that fish had healing powers to mend wounds. Fish oils and ointments were used as topical treatments but often a living fish was placed on top of your cut flesh to provide their aid.  

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